I am spending my child support on dildos
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
