I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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