We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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