My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
