Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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