there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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