You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
