My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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