She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
