I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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