don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
