escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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