Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
