Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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