all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
