1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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