I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
