While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
