Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
