didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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