I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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