Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize