At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
