just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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