dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Houston, we have a blender
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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