I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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