why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
