ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
