I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
