my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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