I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
