That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
