i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
