i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
