isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
