So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
