new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
