Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
