Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
