Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
