he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
