State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
