Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have fence marks all over my body
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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