Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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