I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
