I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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