Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
