o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
