If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
