hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
