So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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