Are we in a gay sports bar?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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