Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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