Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
