can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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