Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
