I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
