Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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