I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
