How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
