she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
