to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize