Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
