I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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