she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
