How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
