I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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