i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
