is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
