So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize