I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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