Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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