MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
