Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
