you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
