I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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