First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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