There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
