i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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