We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
