yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We need to rekindle our bromance
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
