the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
