paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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