why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
