i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
