I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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