That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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