Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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