Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
