mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
